


voy a cuidarte por las noches, voy a amarte sin reproches

by chasingchoni



Category: Juliantina - Fandom
Genre: Accidental Pregnancy, F/F, I really don’t know what tf this is sorry, Pregnancy, protective!valentina, soft!valentina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-05-14 12:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19273393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingchoni/pseuds/chasingchoni
Summary: Where Juliana accidentally gets pregnant with Valentina’s baby, not knowing if she is ready for motherhood.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yes I know it isn’t biologically possible for two cis girls to get each other pregnant, yes I still wanted to write a juliantina accidental pregnancy fic

Juliana wakes up early in the morning after a long night making love with Valentina. She turns over to appreciate the sight of Valentina still sleeping contentedly beside her, her gentle, delicate features made even more ethereal from the peaceful expression on her face, a slight smile tugging on her lips, the memories of last night no doubt on her mind even in her sleep. 

She turns back over so she is laying on her back, frowning as a wave of nausea suddenly washes over her, her stomach aching ever so slightly. It must be something I ate last night she thinks. However, the nausea only intensifies the more she lays there, and with a frustrated sigh, rushes over to the bathroom, closing the door as to not disturb Valentina. 

She lifts the seat of the toilet up, and almost immediately begins dry heaving into the toilet bowl, eventually collapsing against the wall of the bathroom, the cool tiles welcomingly soothing against her sweat drenched skin. She wipes her forehead, sighing at the inconvenience of it all. She hates being ill. She hates feeling weak, vulnerable, not in control on her body and although she would never tell her, the way Valentina fusses over her. She appreciates it, she really does, but she can take care of herself. However, the thought of leaving the bathroom floor doesn’t seem very appealing to her right now, and instead squeezes her eyes tightly shut, silently willing for the nausea to disappear. 

After a few minutes, she hears a light tap at the bathroom door.  
“Juls?” a concerned voice calls out. “Are you okay?”  
Juliana manages to heave herself up off the floor, unlocking the bathroom door to face Valentina.  
“I just... don’t feel great,” she murmurs. “My stomach doesn’t seem to agree with something I ate. But I’m sure it’ll pass. I’ll be fine.”  
Val’s face softens.  
“Baby, no, you’re not fine. Get back into bed. And make sure you’re drinking lots of water, your body will need lots of fluids.” She sweeps up the bottle of water from the bedside table and passes it over to her, Juliana reluctantly taking it. Valentina somehow persuades her to start the new season of game of thrones with her even though Juliana told her at least a million times she doesn’t like it. However, she has to admit to herself, it does help her take her mind off things and makes her feel a little better, the feel of Valentina’s hand running absent-mindedly up and down her thigh always a welcome distraction. 

*****

The mystery illness doesn’t get better as such, it just wavers- sometimes it’s bearable, and sometimes it’s really bad and makes her throw up. However, it does seem to be worse in the morning, where sometimes she’ll get awoken by an intense wave of nausea, rushing over to the bathroom to empty her stomach then crawling back into bed all before Valentina wakes. She gets better at hiding it from Val. She doesn’t want to worry her, and she puts it down to stress, assuming it will pass when the demands of her job die down slightly. 

Until one day, when she begins to realise just how late her period is. It’s always been irregular, and sometimes she will miss it all together due to stress, but something suddenly begins to dawn on her. 

No... she couldn’t be, could she? They were careful... they were always so careful... Valentina always more worried than her, being with many men before her. She had to remind her to take her birth control, Valentina always worrying herself to death that she’ll accidentally get Juliana pregnant. And Juliana always reassuring her that she has, that the likelihood of one of them getting pregnant is less than one percent anyway even if she did forget.

She thinks back, back days... weeks... searching meticulously through all the mental files in the back of her brain, until she reaches one Friday night, where she had a long day at work, got home later than usual. And she remembers now, how busy and distracted she was in the morning having woken up late, telling herself she’ll take it on the night instead, but then just how tired she was when she did get home...

She suddenly feels light headed, the world beginning to slowly rock back and forth in front of her like a pendulum. She’s pregnant just from potentially missing one? Surely not...  
Before she knows fully what she’s doing, she’s calling Alirio, asking him to take her to the local store, telling him she’s buying a few groceries, that Valentina forgot to buy some things on her last trip. Not that he cares, but she still tells him the lie anyway. 

She rushes to the aisle titled women’s health, buying at least three pregnancy tests and shoving them frantically in her basket, making sure to buy some other random groceries alongside them as a disguise to hide the tests from view if anyone was to look in her bag. 

Her heart thuds painfully against her chest the entire way home, concerned how it is physically possible for it to be beating this fast. Her knuckles are white from gripping the bag so tightly- all of the world seeming to blur away from her like the kaleidoscope of colours rushing past her window. As soon as she gets home she rushes straight to the bathroom, following the instructions on the small leaflet of the pregnancy test with trembling fingers. 

When a few seconds later, unmistakably, right in front of her eyes, two blue lines.  
No, no. Panic surges in her chest, a sob tearing uncontrollably from her throat. This can’t be right. She can’t do this. No...

She tips the bag upside down until they fall to the bathroom floor with a loud clatter, repeating the same process with the other two pregnancy tests. Two blue lines. And on the other one, in bold, mocking letters PREGNANT. And underneath 5-6 weeks.

All of the air has suddenly seemed to be sucked from her chest, the world shrinking down to them plain eight letters, that one weighted word.

She desperately, almost frantically now, tries the tests again, two, three, four more times, hoping and praying at least one time there will be a different result, until her eyes are burning from tears and exhaustion sets in, and she falls to the bathroom floor, her head in her hands, trying, trying, to control her breathing. Control. Something she values so deeply, but something she can already feel slipping away from her grasp like quicksand. Even the thought that her body is overtaken by some alien entity, making changes to her body, and her life she doesn’t even know about makes her dive headfirst into blind, unadulterated panic. She didn’t even want to have a child. Not yet anyway. She’s too young. Only the tender age of twenty one. Valentina is older and she knows she’s broody. But not her. It’s too early. She’s been an idiot. A complete idiot.

Her heart sinks when she hears the turn of the key, the sound of the front door opening. Juliana wanted Valentina’s lunch out with Guille to last no short of eternity. Her elbows are rested on the edges of the kitchen sink, her head looking down. She can’t even make eye contact with her.  
“Juls,” Val rushes out immediately, and is beside her in an instant. “Hey, what’s the matter?”  
She can’t do this. She wants to speak, to tell her, about their baby, Val’s baby, she really does, Val deserves to know, but no words seem to come out. 

When she doesn’t respond, Val closes a warm hand over Juliana’s.  
“Baby. Please tell me what’s wrong.” Her voice ever soft, ever caring, her gentle eyes looking at her with so much affection. Like they always do, always have done. She doesn’t want to break the news to her that she has a baby inside of her that she doesn’t want. She wants Val to live in her naïvety, in her blissful ignorance. She doesn’t want to drop the bombshell on her.  
“I don’t want to tell you,” Juls whispers.  
“Baby-“  
“Not right now,” her voice is trembling, she can hear it.  
“Okay,” Valentina replies calmly. “We’ll talk about it tonight, yeah?”  
Juliana nods. Tonight. 

They sit on the couch in their apartment, binge watch some TV, eat take out pizza, Valentina’s head resting on Juliana’s shoulder, her legs draped casually over Juliana’s lap. Juliana can’t eat much, can’t concentrate on the TV, can’t concentrate on anything. They end up in a position where Valentina is laying her head on Juliana’s lap, looking up at her with a sweet, genuine smile, but with a hint of sadness, of sympathy, fully aware that Juliana has something on her mind right now that she doesn’t want to tell her.  
“I love you,” she suddenly tells her, her big blue eyes looking up at Juliana as if she contained the entire universe. “Always.”  
“I love you too,” Juliana whispers back, a pang of guilt in her heart.

Valentina suddenly nuzzles her head against Juliana’s stomach, pressing a gentle kiss just below her belly button. Juliana’s breath hitches. This is a form of affection that Valentina has always given, but the implications now makes the act unsettling, like she subconsciously, somehow knows. 

Her heart racing, she begins running her fingers through Valentina’s light brown locks as a distraction, trying to calm her nerves. She knows she needs to face up to reality and tell Valentina, that this isn’t fair on her, but she doesn’t ruin the intimacy of the moment.

Valentina reaches up, cupping Juliana’s face with one hand and caressing her cheek with her thumb.  
“What did you want to tell me, baby?”  
Her heart stops dead in her chest. When Juliana doesn’t respond, she lifts her head off from her lap and sits bedside her, silently, waiting, her eyebrow raised questioningly. 

Juliana’s heart begins thudding so erratically she’s afraid it’s going to leap right out of her chest there and then.  
“I- I’m-“ the words get caught in her throat, and she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes to try and collect her thoughts into some sort of coherent order. Breathe, Juliana she tells herself. Pull yourself together. You can do this.

“I haven’t been feeling well... for a few mornings. Several mornings.” She fiddles nervously in her lap, struggling to meet Valentina’s gaze. “And then my period was late.”  
Valentina’s eyes widen, her mouth slightly agape.  
“You’re not...” she whispers.  
“Yes, Val, I’m pregnant,” she exclaims. “I bought an entire store’s worth of pregnancy tests and I’m pregnant. Over five weeks pregnant.” Her voice cracks, the tears already flowing from her eyes, and she swipes them away from her face, frustrated, and sad, and scared, and a whole other range of emotions she can’t even begin to understand herself yet.

Pure unadulterated shock crosses Valentina’s face as she places her hand over her mouth, completely stunned.  
“Oh my god,” she says breathlessly, tears already threatening to form in her own eyes. “Oh my god, baby...”  
“I don’t want to be a mother, Val,” Juliana says in a strained voice. “I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want this.”  
Val grabs both her hands, squeezing firmly.  
“Sweetheart...”  
“The one time I forgot to take the pill, Val. The one time.” Her breathing starts to grow uneven. She feels so overwhelmed, the reality of the situation coming crashing down on her like a ton of bricks.

“Hey hey hey,” Valentina rushes out, shuffling closer to her to reach and brush away the hair that has fallen in front of Juliana’s face before grabbing her hand again. “Shhh. Hey, look at me, sweetheart.” She forces Juliana to look into her eyes, into her calm, ocean blue eyes that Juliana has learned to find so much comfort in. “Listen to me. I understand, if you don’t want to be a mother, baby, you don’t have to be. We can go to the abortion clinic, tomorrow morning if you want... you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. No-one has to know. We won’t tell anyone.”  
Juliana shakes her head.  
“I don’t know, Val. I don’t know.”  
“Baby... I know you know I want to be a mother. And I know you do too, some day. But that’s okay, if this isn’t the right time for you, that’s okay.” Her voice is impossibly soft, impossibly gentle, and it only confuses the jumble of emotions that are already catapulting through her head.  
“I don’t know if it would feel right, just, just doing that. I don’t know if I could...” she stutters. She’s confused, so confused.  
“Okay,” Valentina says carefully. “Even if you don’t want to get an abortion, and you go through with the pregnancy, we can give it up for adoption.”  
“But what about ma, and Panchito... mamá will hate-“  
“It doesn’t matter,” Valentina stresses. “It doesn’t matter what our families think, if they have old fashioned views, whatever. What matters is you. It’s your decision, and whatever you decide, I’m right here beside you to support you, okay?” she squeezes her hand tightly.

Juliana nods, feeling her chest blossom with affection at Valentina’s words. She’s lucky to call Valentina her girlfriend. She’s never had many people in her life she can rely on, not even her mother, but she has Valentina. She’s always been there for her, her love and loyalty never wavering, not once. 

“But what about you, Val,” Juliana says in a small voice, gently caressing her cheek with her thumb. “This baby is as much yours as it is mine.”  
“Yes, it will hurt, I’m not saying it won’t. But it’s okay... if we want to have children one day, even if it doesn’t happen naturally, we have money, we can use IVF, or adopt ourselves. We’ve got options, okay. And time. I’d rather wait than for you to raise a child you don’t want to raise, than for you to do something you’re not ready to do.”  
Juliana nods.  
“Okay... okay,” Juliana says slowly, Valentina’s reassuring words that she doesn’t have to do this still sinking in.

“Come here,” Valentina murmurs, pulling her into a crushing hug, squeezing her so tightly as if afraid she will break.  
“I love you,” Valentina speaks into her hair. “Te amo, te amo, te amo,” she repeats like a mantra. “You know that, right? I love you Juls, always. Regardless of anything. You mean everything to me.”  
Juliana nods, gripping onto Valentina even tighter, as if she is an anchor grounding her in the middle of a storm. She’s scared, so scared, but hearing Val’s words, being in her arms, it makes everything feel less terrifying.  
“I love you too,” she whispers back. And she couldn’t mean those three words more if she tried.

Eventually, they pull away, and Val cradles her face gently, before leaning in to give her a light kiss, instinctively brushing away the tear tracks on her face.  
“I don’t know what to do,” Juliana whispers.  
“I know, baby, I know,” she murmurs, her voice heavy with sympathy. “But you’re not alone, okay? We’re going to get through this. Everything is going to be fine. I promise.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> perhaps slightly ooc panchito & more soft juliantina moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWAYS... I lowkey feel like this chapter is more of a filler chapter and I naturally struggled more to write it and I’m not 100% sure how happy I am with it... but here we are

They fall asleep the same way they normally do: Valentina’s arm wrapped around Juliana’s body, holding her close, her leg entangled with Juliana’s and her face nuzzled into the back of her neck. Her safe place.

Valentina wakes before Juliana for a change, noticing straightaway how her hand is rested, as if protectively, on Juliana’s lower stomach. She remembers with a start that there’s a baby inside of her, that Juliana has a baby in her now, that she caused this. Swiftly, she removes her hand, suddenly feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. Yes, technically it was Juliana who was at fault, and the almost impossible happened. But even so, she put that baby inside of her, is the reason for all her distress and mess of emotions she must be feeling right now.

Juliana wakes a couple of hours later, instantly rushing over to the bathroom, Valentina at her tail. She has her head crouched over the toilet bowl, as Valentina holds her hair away from her face, whispering comforting words into her ear, gently massaging her shoulders. She’s still so young, she didn’t want this, hadn’t prepared herself for this. And if she decides not to get an abortion, well, then she’s going to have to go through all the physical and mental challenges of pregnancy.

Juliana sits on the bed afterwards, her hair tied into a loose ponytail, her bare, slender legs stretched in front of her. She’s still wearing her bed attire of a grey strappy shirt and simple black underwear. She has a notebook resting on her lap, a pen in hand, trying to squeeze in some more designs before work.

On the other hand, Valentina is still in the haphazard state of getting dressed, wearing a mismatched outfit of nothing but an oversized white t-shirt and pink fluffy bed socks. She’s restless, pacing around the room as her body tries to catch up with her racing thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” Valentina whispers all of a sudden.  
Juliana frowns, putting her pen down and looking up from her work.  
“What are you sorry for?”  
Valentina blushes and smiles slightly, averting her gaze away from Juliana.  
“For... doing this to you,” she murmurs.   
“Val,” she says disapprovingly. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.”  
She places the pen and notebook beside her lap, and gently taps her thighs.  
“Hey. C’mere.”  
Valentina complies, climbing on the bed to straddle her lap, Juliana’s mind clouding over as she feels Valentina’s wetness touch her bare thighs. _Focus, Juliana._

Juliana almost methodically begins running her fingers through her hair in what she hopes is a soothing manner.  
“I don’t want you to feel guilty, okay? It’s not your fault, this is my fault, and biology’s fault, not yours, okay? Definitely not yours. I’m not having you blame yourself for this, Val.”  
Val presses her tongue against her cheek, still not convinced. “I just... feel bad. I feel guilty. I’ve put something in you that you don’t want.”

Juliana sighs, her heart aching at the sight of Valentina in front of her. Her bed tousled hair, a sleepy expression on her face, her soft features, looking at Juliana with so much tenderness in her eyes her chest could burst. She’s so good. So so good. “No, Val. No. You’re-you’re perfect.” She’s always struggled to put what she feels towards Val into words. “You’re incredible. I’m so lucky to have you.”

She rubs her hands over Valentina’s forearms, over the soft, fine hairs, feels the comforting weight of Valentina in her lap, the heat of her thighs against her skin. She’s so in love with her. All of her. She’s never known someone so perfect.

“You can get an abortion if you want, Juls. You know I won’t judge you. I would have done... at your age. I wasn’t ready for pregnancy, and I definitely wasn’t ready to raise a child.”  
“I don’t know, Val. I’m not sure yet. Not sure how I feel. I need some time to think about it.” She releases a deep sigh. “I just need time.”  
“Of course baby,” she says with a sad smile. She knows if she decides not to keep it, how much it is going to hurt her, and how hard it’s going to be to not get emotionally attached to this baby. And how hard it is to pretend she’s not feeling that way. But she’ll try- for Juliana’s sake.

Juliana sits up, bracing her hands on Valentina’s waist to steady her, before leaning in to give her a deep kiss. Valentina presses their foreheads together, a silent exchange of affection that has never needed any words.  
“I need to get ready for work, Val,” Juliana says reluctantly, noticing the time. She knows she won’t have time to eat breakfast, but she honestly feels too nauseous for it anyway.

“Okay,” Val says with a pout, carefully lifting herself off her lap, Juliana immediately missing her warmth, her comfort. She finds it amazing how the feel of Val on her can instantly make her feel so calm, so safe. Her presence is one of the most reassuring things she’s ever known.

Valentina can’t help but notice the dark bags under her eyes as Juliana gets ready for work, her intermittent sighs, the way she keeps running her fingers anxiously through her hair. She looks exhausted.  
“Juls... you don’t have to go to work if you don’t want to, if you want the day off. You’ve just received some big news.”  
“I’m fine,” she quips, more harshly than intended, and instantly regrets it. “Sorry, I’m... it’s just, I’m fine, okay?” she sighs. She chastises herself, not wanting all the hormones rampaging through her body to be taken out on her girlfriend.

“Okay,” Valentina says quietly. “I just worry about you, you know?”  
“I know you do, my love, I know,” she murmurs, moving closer to Val to circle her arms around her waist, running her thumb over her pouting lips. “It’s just... I don’t want this to get in the way of living my life. I’ve always wanted to be a fashion designer, and I don’t want pregnancy to get in the way of this, of me pursuing my dream career. I promise I can handle it.”

Valentina nods. “I know you can. If anyone can do it Juls, it’s you. You’re the most hard working person I know. And I admire that a lot. I’m always going to be proud of you mi amor.”  
A smile spreads across Juliana’s face, her dark eyes twinkling, and Valentina can’t resist leaning in to kiss her, gently stroking her thumb behind her ear.  
“Have a good day at work, baby.”  
“I’ll try to.”

As much as she tries, she can barely concentrate on work, her catastrophising thoughts playing like a record on a loop, a fresh wave of panic washing over her intermittently with the reminder that she’s _pregnant. How are they going to provide for the baby? How is she going to be a mother when she barely feels like an adult herself yet? What about their families? Her career? The press, media?_ She still had so many plans of how she wanted to spend her life with Valentina that didn’t involve a tiny, crying human.

As much as she loves Val and knows she can tell her anything, she needs to talk to someone who isn’t directly involved in all of this. She texts Panchito during her lunch break, asking if he wants to meet for coffee after work.

Back at home, Valentina can’t concentrate on much either. She busies herself with cleaning their small apartment. They wanted that city life buzz, and it was convenient, right next to Juliana’s workplace. And practical. They could easily maintain it, focus on themselves and what it would be like to just be them living together, live the normal teenage life that Val never experienced growing up filthy rich, without Chivis always cooking their meals or knocking on their door first thing in the morning. However, it was only meant to be temporary, when Juliana was getting a stable career. She definitely doesn’t want to live here for the rest of their life, especially if they do have children one day, if Juls does decide to keep the baby.

After work, Juliana heads straight over to the local coffee shop on the corner of the street she works on. She waits nervously on her usual table outside, biting her nails as the sky fades from a pastel blue to a blaze of reds and oranges.

Eventually, she spots Panchito, who greets her with an awkward wave, before ordering both their coffees, already knowing what Juliana wanted without asking her- black, no sugar.

Finally, Panchito sits back down with their orders.  
“Gracias,” she murmurs, suddenly realising she has no idea how she’s going to tell him the news. She hasn’t planned this out at all. Instead, she grips her coffee cup with one hand, her leg jiggling nervously.

They exchange small talk for a short while, before Panchito asks her if anything’s wrong, sensing her apprehension. The seconds tick by, become even more and more torturous. She knows he’ll be wholly supportive which is why she wanted to tell him before her mother, but it doesn’t mean it makes it any easier.

“I’m pregnant,” she blurts out. There it is. Like ripping off a bandaid.  
Panchito’s mouth drops open. “Are you serious?”  
Juliana nods, nervously awaiting his response.

Panchito shifts uncomfortably on his seat, can see as the words process in his head like cogs on a machine. “Wow, Juls, I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”   
He takes an almost frantic sip of his coffee, as if giving himself time to try and collect his thoughts. “So, was this was an accident?”

Juliana nods again, looking away as she feels her face heat up.  
“It’s okay... I get it... these things happen. How many weeks?”  
“Five to six weeks. I only found out yesterday.”  
“And you’ve told Val?”  
Juliana nods. “Yeah, she knows... she took it well.”  
“Of course she would. That girl has a heart of gold.”  
Juliana beams, feeling her heart warm at Panchito’s words.

“Sorry, the news is still sinking in.” He laughs nervously. “So, do you want it? Are you going to keep it?”  
Juliana exhales loudly.  
“I don’t know... everything just feels surreal at the minute. I do want a child at some point but, I just... don’t feel ready. It feels too early, I feel unprepared.”

“I get that,” he says, placing his hand over Juliana’s, his dark eyes looking straight into hers. “But you have options... adoption... abortion... whatever, if you’re not ready. Don’t worry about what anyone might think. Yeah?”

Juliana swirls her spoon around her coffee cup.  
“I know ma will want me to keep the baby. She went from lecturing me about the dangers of lesbian sex to I want a grandchild so fast.”  
“Yeah... obviously if you’re going down the route of abortion, it will be easier to hide, you wouldn’t have to tell her, if you really didn’t want to. I know how traditional her views are. Maybe it would be better if she didn’t know. But if you’re giving it up for adoption, it’s going to be a different story.”

“I don’t know if I could live with the guilt of just giving it up like that,” she shrugs. “Them growing up not knowing who their parents are... hating me for abandoning them from birth. I already know what that’s like.”  
“But you’re not giving it up, just giving them to another family. A loving family who wants to raise a child.”  
Juliana lets out a soft sigh, kneading her eyes with both hands. “Hopefully.”   
She can’t help but think about how doing something like that would affect Val, knowing how much she wants a child.

“Valentina wants to keep it, I know she does. She’s been ready to start a family for a few years. I’m just... not sure I am. I don’t know anything about kids. I don’t know if I’m ready to be a parent.”

Panchito hums, quiet for a second.  
“You weren’t planned either. Lupe was so scared when she found out she was pregnant.”  
Juliana sighs. “I’ve always felt guilty about that. She would have been going through so much without me.”   
Panchito shakes his head. “No, Juls. You were the best thing to ever happen to her. When El Chino was making her life hell, you were her light.”

  
He rubs his thumb absent mindedly around his cup as in deep in thought before looking up at her with a smile. She smiles back, her eyes painted with sadness.

“She told me that she couldn’t afford to buy you books, so she used to create stories from the top of her head instead, then write them down so she could read them to you later.”  
“Those were her stories?” she asks, her jaw dropped.  
He nods his head. “Yes. She could be a writer, you know. I always told her that, but she never believed in herself. I think it was a good form of escapism from everything, you know? It helped her just as much as you.”

“I never knew that.” Juliana thinks back to when Valentina rang her up the night shortly after Lucía was kidnapped, when they were nothing more than friends, and asked her to tell her a story because she couldn’t sleep, seeking the comfort of Juliana’s voice. And how Juliana made up a story about El Chino, taking her to the park and buying her candy, painting the picture perfect, idyllic childhood from the top of her head, the childhood that she never had.

“I’ll make sure to be a better parent than El Chino ever was, that’s for sure,” she says with a dry laugh.  
“I know you’ll be an amazing mother, Juliana. I know you’re young and only starting in life, and parenthood changes your life forever. But you’ll be good at it.”  
“Thanks, Pancho. I don’t know... I’ve just never had any experience with children, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Of course you don’t . But you have to remember that no-one does. There’s no instruction manual on how to be a perfect parent, you just have to assume you’re doing the right thing. You’ve also got to take into account , you’re not in the same position your mother was. You’re in a loving relationship, you’ve got money, support.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “I just want you to know that you can turn what seems like a negative into a positive, if you really want to. But obviously, whatever you decide to do is your choice.”

She sighs, putting her head in her hands for a brief moment.   
“I know have a few more weeks to decide. I just need to let the news sink in more before I rush into any decision that I’m going to regret. It’s a big decision.”

“It _is_ a big decision. Becoming a parent changes your life. But it’s your decision, no-one else’s. I just want you to know that I support you, whatever you decide to do. Just think about it, yeah? You’ve got time. And remember that Val will be scared too, for you, for both of your futures. She might not admit to it, but it’ll be hard for her too. Just don’t keep her in the dark with everything going on in your head.”  
Juls nods.  
“Thanks Pancho, I appreciate it.”  
“No problem. Just text or call me at any time and I’m here.”

****

  
Juliana is surprised when Valentina greets her at the door as soon as she arrives home. She didn’t realise how long she spent with Panchito, and assumed she would have settled down for the night already.

  
“Hi baby. Did you have a good day?”  
Juliana nods. “Bearable.”  
“Where were you? I texted you, but you didn’t reply.” A worried expression crosses her features.  
“Oh... sorry...” she says, suddenly feeling guilty. “I was just having coffee with Panchito. Sorry Val, my head’s just been all over the place.”  
“No no, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

She grabs her by the hands, pulling her into their apartment, the smell of cooking permeating the air.  
“I’ve run you a bath. And I’m making you dinner. I thought you’d be hungry. I hope that’s okay.” She looks at her almost shyly.  
“Oh, Val... You’re so kind. Thank you.” She doesn’t know why she can feel tears pricking at her eyes.  
She cups Juliana’s face. “I want to do everything in time for when my wife arrives home from a long day at work.”  
“Val, were not even married yet!”  
“Nope, but I’d be the perfect housewife. You have to admit.” She leads her into the kitchen, still gripping her hands. The stove is bubbling with alfredo sauce, some pop song playing faintly from Val’s phone. “I’m making your favourite.”   
“Thank you, Val,” she says, her voice heavy with sincerity. “Really, thank you.”

Whilst dinner is cooking, she soaks in the bath, the first time she’s had the time to properly look at her naked body since finding out she was pregnant. Her stomach doesn’t look any different yet, but now that she properly studies her body, she notices her breasts are slightly bigger, and are sensitive to touch. Her breasts will start producing milk soon, she thinks horrifiedly. Her body is slowly preparing itself to have a child, to nurse a child, a baby making and maintaining machine. She can feel it already with the morning sickness, the tiredness, the fatigue. Everything she put down to work stress is her body neglecting her and her needs to focus on this baby’s needs.

She does know if she decides to go through with the pregnancy, she’ll give her everything to the baby, she’ll be a better parent than her father ever was. She knows what it’s like to have a shitty excuse for a parent, a childhood full of neglect and abuse, and she know she’ll do everything in her power to raise the baby in the complete opposite way, in unconditional love and care, she’ll give it the best possible upbringing she can. And she knows she has Valentina, who will always be there for her, to support her. She knows how much of a good mother Valentina will make, and how much she wants to be a mother. And she realises that she’s already humanising the clump of cells residing in her uterus, for better or for worse.

 

****

  
“I’ve got a surprise planned for this weekend,” Valentina announces on the Friday night as soon as Juliana arrives home from work, bouncing up and down with the impatient energy Juliana is so used to by now.  
“What is it?”  
“I was thinking we could go to our secret place, just to escape for a couple of days. Clear our heads. If you want to of course,” she adds quickly.

Val has always called it their secret place- the house that their family owns, that Valentina used to spend a lot of time in before her mother died. It holds a lot of memories for her, and they always love going when they have the chance, to take a breather from city life. Valentina has always said the house she used to live in is too cold for her, has no soul. Too many bad memories.

“No, I do, Val, it sounds good to me. I love our apartment but it feels suffocating at the minute,” she admits. She feels like their apartment is too small for the enormity of the thoughts swirling through her head, for the enormity of the change happening in her life. She just needs to get away from all of this and just _breathe_.

 

****

The next day, they wake up early to pack. Valentina learned to drive in between her modelling contract so she didn’t have to rely on Alirio, revelling in the new found sense of freedom it gave her. It doesn’t take them long to pack, and before long, she’s driving them to the more rural outskirts of Mexico City to their secluded vacation house.

They’re unpacking their belongings, when Valentina suddenly spots a blue car in the driveway from the french windows, sees the figure of Guille and Renata and an even smaller figure in Guille’s arms.  
“Guille!” she exclaims.   
“Qué?” Juliana draws up to Valentina.  
Valentina laughs. “It’s Guille and Renata,” she says incredulously.

She greets Guille at the front door, carrying his and Renata’s baby in his arms. They decided they wanted to try for a baby after their trip away together, and much like with her and Juliana, it worked. Quickly.

“I’m sorry... if you’ve stolen the house for the weekend, we’ll leave. Come next weekend,” Guille says.  
“I’ve got to see Romeo before you leave!” Val exclaims. “He’s grown already since the last time I saw him!”  
“Yes, I suppose he has,” he laughs. “They grow fast when they’re young.”  
“Can I hold him?” she asks enthusiastically.   
“Of course!”   
Guille enters the house, smiling briefly at Juliana before carefully handing the baby over to Valentina.

She cradles him in her arms, gazing down at him as if the rest of the world has faded away.  
“I’m boring him so much he’s falling asleep,” she giggles.  
“No, you’re a natural,” Guille says with a chuckle. “It takes us forever to make him fall asleep.”

Her chest feels tight at seeing Valentina so unrestrainedly happy, so much in her comfort zone. She hates seeing how clear it is that Valentina wants a baby, and how guilty she feels that she may not be feeling the same way. And how much she’s going to hurt her if she decides not to keep it.

Valentina looks at her with an almost wistful smile.  
“Do you want to hold him, Juls?” she asks.   
Juliana tugs the corners of her mouth up, trying to muster a smile back.   
“No thanks. I’m just going to go to the bathroom, if that’s okay.”  
She can’t pretend to be happy when it’s the complete opposite of what she’s feeling.

A few moments later, she hears a rap at the bathroom door. She rolls her eyes. Of course.  
“What is it?” she asks bluntly.  
“I’m sorry, Juls.”  
“Don’t be sorry Val. It’s not your fault.”  
“But I know how hard this must be on you. Just shoving a baby in your face after everything that’s just happened.”  
“Val, we went to the house to _escape_ all of this.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know if I’m ready to face Guille and Renata’s new baby yet.”

“I know Juls, I know,” she sighs. “But I think Guille and Renata really want you to meet Romeo. I know it hurts... but I really want to rekindle the relationship with my family. After everything that’s happened with Eva, with Lucía’s death.” She sighs, running her fingers through her hair. “There’s a lot of tension between me and my brother at the minute. And I just want everything to be normal again between our family, after everything that’s happened. I want us all to be one happy family again.”

Juliana lets out a shaky exhale. “It’s okay, I get it. I’ll try. For you.” she says, taking Val’s hand in hers and running her thumb across Val’s knuckles.  
“Thank you,” Val whispers, pressing a soft kiss to Juliana’s forehead.  
Juliana sighs. “Do I look a mess?”  
Valentina frowns. “No, mi amor. You look perfect, as always.”  
Still holding her hand, Valentina guides her down the staircase back to the sitting room.

“Juliana!” Renata greets her with a sweet smile. “You haven’t held him yet.”  
“I’m not sure how good I am with babies...” Juliana says nervously. “I’ve never held one before.”  
“You’ll be amazing,” Valentina says softly, as Guille passes Romeo over to her.  
“Okay, you’ve got to hold him like this,” Valentina demonstrates, helping Juliana to hold him in the right way, her arm supporting his head, her other arm tucked under his legs.  
“Is this okay? I’m not going to drop him am I?” she asks worriedly.  
“It’s perfect,” Val says with a grin. “You’re doing great, babe.”

Her heart is still racing. It doesn’t look much to her, just a scrunched up face. But the way Valentina is gazing down at it, the way her fingers are tracing over Juliana’s knuckles, makes something clench in her heart.

Then the baby does something completely unexpected- it opens its eyes, it’s deep brown eyes gazing straight up at Juliana, and lifts its tiny hand up to her face as if reaching out to her, a little smile on its face.  
They all laugh.  
“Hey, don’t do that,” Val says with a soft laugh, gently removing the baby’s hand away from her face. “I happen to like that face very much.”  
“His fingers are so small!” Juliana exclaims. Growing up an only child with only her mother to call family, she’s never experienced any of this.  
“They are! Also what I find funny about babies is their ears, look how small his ears are!”  
They laugh again, and Juliana has to admit, none of this is making her feel quite as bad as she expected it was going to. She can deal with this.

Until the baby suddenly starts crying.  
“It was only a matter of time,” Renata says exasperatedly.   
Juliana starts panicking.  
“What do I do?”  
“Hey, it’s okay, we’ll just give him his bottle,” Val says softly, calmly. “Can I feed him, Guille?”  
Guille nods. “It would make a change.”  
Valentina takes the bottle off Guille, and stands closely to Juliana.   
“Do you want to do it?”  
“No, no, you do it Val,” Juliana laughs.

The baby immediately begins sucking on the bottle, looking up at Valentina with wide eyes, instantly quiet. Valentina looks down at the baby with a smile stretching from ear to ear as she continues to feed him. Her fingertips brush against Juliana’s hip, before carefully settling her hand on her waist, running her thumb absent mindedly over the exposed skin.

Juliana’s breath catches in her throat, almost captivated, until the baby has finished feeding and Val gives the bottle back to Guille, sharing a joke with him, and the moment passes.

“I think he’ll be tired,” Guille suddenly pipes up. “Is it okay if I take him back from you?”  
“Of course,” Juliana murmurs.  
“She looks attached,” Renata says, looking at her with a grin.  
Juliana lets her hair fall in front of her face. She doesn’t respond. Doesn’t know how to respond.

“Anyways, I think we should be going home,” Guille says, sensing Juliana’s sudden discomfort as he takes Romeo from her arms.  
“Yes! I think you should,” Valentina says with a light laugh, going to stand at the doorway. “You interrupted my and Juliana’s romantic getaway.”

Renata steps outside, placing Romeo back in his pram, when Guille sudddenly takes Valentina to the side, lowering his voice.

“I visited Eva in prison yesterday.” Val feels her stomach drop. “She said she wants to see you when she’s released. She said she misses you.”

“Okay,” she whispers, pushing her tongue against her cheek. “Thanks for telling me.”  
He nods curtly. Valentina doesn’t know where her relationship with Eva stands anymore since her scandal.

As soon as Valentina enters the kitchen, Juliana asks what Guille told her, never wanting any secrets between them. Their relationship is built on nothing but trust and communication.

“I want to try and forgive her, even after everything she’s done, she’s still my big sister,” Val says with a casual shrug. “I want to try and rekindle our relationship.”

Juliana diverts her gaze away from Val with a signature roll of her eyes.  
“Don’t you remember how disapproving she was of our relationship, Val? How she nearly came between us? I doubt she’s going to want to rekindle anything once she finds about my pregnancy.”

“I’m hoping she’s grown up after having this child, after her scandal. She can’t hate me anymore with the whole world knowing what she’s done,” she shrugs.   
“That’s what you want her to be like.”  
“Maybe,” Val says, her voice quiet.  
“We can only hope she’ll come around to it, and even if not, it doesn’t matter, Val. Okay? It’s our business, it’s our lives, not hers,” she says sternly. “Not anyone else’s.”

“I know babe,” she murmurs, placing her hands on the kitchen counter behind Juls. “Apart from when the media are bound to find out,” say, biting down on her lip.  
Juliana sighs.  
“Yeah. I’ll think about that when the time comes. I haven’t even got a bump yet.”  
“It’s okay. I’ll buy the biggest, most baggiest maternity clothes to ever exist to hide it from the press.”  
“Val! I won’t let you!”  
“I will!” she says with a laugh. “And you can have Renata’s maternity clothes. You know, Guille told me that for four months straight Renata wore this awful poop coloured brown dress,” she giggles. “I can just see you wearing that.”  
“You wouldn’t dare! I’m a fashion designer, Val! Oh my god! I’ll lose all my reputation!”  
“It’s okay. I believe in you. You’ll be the most _fashionable_ pregnant person alive.” She leans in, her lips brushing against Juls’ ear lobe. “The most beautiful,” she murmurs into her ear.

Juls looks away from her shyly, Valentina’s eyes dragging hungrily up and down Juliana’s body, a thousand inappropriate thoughts flitting through her mind about how she wants to take her against the kitchen counter, before she feels her stomach grumbling.  
“Come on,” she murmurs. “I’m hungry. Let’s have lunch.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it’s basically a week since our juliantina movie and spin off announcement, amazing.  
> also 1) idk how babies, pregnancy or paragraphs work and 2) I think I accidentally deleted a letter whilst editing and then couldn’t find it to change it back so look out for that

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is the first fic I’ve ever posted and I really decided to start with something light haha :) I’m not entirely sure where this fic is going also I don’t know much about pregnancy so sorry if I mess anything up, constructive criticism is always welcomed  
> anyways ily all and take care, I’m sorry if my writing isn’t any good but I’m bored of rereading it 1000 times xxx


End file.
